Overheard in the newsroom: Super special Feb 29 edition

I have to come up for air and nicotine.

I'm a comma weirdo.

I have been exiled, but it's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

HIM:  We're ordering subway
HER: Do you know if their toaster's working?

Why not have a fish tank in the booze shop?

African & Eastern, Defense Road

This is obviously a terrible pic taken quickly, for fear the staff would think I was a weirdo. What you can't see is the king can bobbing in the corner of the tank.

I thought this would be as good a time as any to give a friendly reminder that it is illegal to drink in the UAE without an alcohol license. It can be a very big headache – a nightmare, even – to be caught drinking without one. They are easy to obtain through Abu Dhabi Police. Get one today!

OSN has not received the message about Keeping up with Kim Kardashian

It's not really Kool.

Has anyone tried any of these Heart of Arabia pizzas? Reviews?

Al Hilal Bank claims to offer first drive-through ATM in the Middle East

I've lived here for several years now, and I know to be cautious with these claims. But at the very least, I've never seen a drive-through ATM in the UAE, so I find this press release very exciting. Of course I don't drive here, and I live in Abu Dhabi, not Dubai, but none of that is going to dampen my excitement. Drive through ATMs were and are, in my opinion, kind of cool.

Kudos to the "pioneering" Al Wasl Jumeirah Road branch on Jumeirah Beach Road in Dubai. If you want to attend the official opening, head on down there tomorrow at 10.30am.

UPDATE: It's not even the first one in Dubai, as SDM points out. Hence my use of the word claims

McQueen Abayas: Yes, it's true, there really are two

First this, now this. Of course it's quite possible it could have been the other way around - I am only just learning about this one now. Is it because of Alexander, do you think? Or the late 60s and 70s-era film actor Steve? Or the British director of the film Shame, also named Steve? Or does McQueen mean something totally fashion-y in Arabic? Google Translate tells me no. I do love the logo here though. 

Dubai Mall: World's biggest shopping centre to grow by 1 million sq ft

Artist rendering of Dubai Mall's expansion

Basically Dubai Mall is far too big already. Now this. Each trip to this expanse, which I make every two months os so, follows the same distinct pattern. I enter, and my heart starts to race. All the shops! All the restaurants! 'I am going to stay here for hours,' I think to myself. 'Maybe I'll cancel my dinner/combat class/random social engagement and just shop til I can't shop anymore.' Like clockwork, within two hours, I begin to tire and my feet to hurt. I have become deprived of oxygen; the mall is filling rapidly, and I am grumpy because I want to get back to that store I saw the thing I liked at, and I can't find my way. At some point, tired and thirsty – it's impossible to buy a simple bottle of water in that joint without it being a big deal – I decide to leave. A mild panic sets it at how far from the exit (and taxis) I am. 'Do I even know how to get there anymore'? I think. Suddenly I am in Express trying on a skirt. It's hot, the lights are bright. Next thing I know, I have bought three cupcakes and am carrying them in a fancy box with a spoon taped to the outside. Now I am looking at pink T-shirts with camels on them. Where is the blasted sign for the taxi???? Then, suddenly, there it is. I am in the hot car park. I am climbing in one. I am on my way to Abu Dhabi, swearing never to return.