Snap caption: Krispy Kreme+Bran=really?

Khalidiya Mall

Snap caption: For the first time, "Kim Kardashian" and worn-out cliche "behind the veil" together in a sentence

The exact title of the press release from MoDa's Touch announcing the E! reality star and soon-to-be new momma's cover story for the Arabic magazine Hia: "Behind-the-Veil with Kim Kardashian". By the way, you may have seen the Daily Mail's coverage of the racy shots of Kardashian inside.

Photos © MoDa's Touch

Flight attendant makes onboard announcement unnecessarily terrifying for passengers

This is what came over the system as we got to cruising altitude on my Toronto-Abu Dhabi flight Friday:

"Ladies and gentlemen, there is a serious problem (insert long pause, muffled talking, my heart dropping to my stomach) with our in-flight entertainment system."

Not only was her voice dead serious, but she totally placed emphasis on the word serious.

I am no expert but maybe next time, lead with something like "Regarding our in-flight entertainment system..."?

Don't try to order the HBO show Girls to the UAE; the National Media Council won't like it

This happened to an unlucky colleague of mine (unlucky because she wasted her cash and also because Girls is sooooo good). In a strange headscratcher of a twist however, she did receive Game of Thrones and The Tudors. 

Being an expat means being homesick, but maybe not THIS homesick

I was all set to poke fun at this story, but instead it just broke my heart. I cannot imagine feeling this lost and trapped, and I just hope from the bottom of my heart that this fellow can get where he needs to be.

An unemployed man from Pakistan called 999 (the UAE's 911) more than 100 times because he was hoping to be arrested and then deported. He came to work in the UAE 31 years ago, lost his job with Dubai Police recently, and did not have the money for a ticket home.

Chris Tucker went to Ferrari World; there are pictures

I saw Christ Tucker's show Thursday night on Yas Island at du Forum. It was okay. The Michael Jackson impressions were the best. I did love him in Silver Linings Playbook though, and take great umbrage to suggestions that his character was superfluous. 

Starbucks, connecting and Emiratis

Scene: A downtown Starbucks. A Canadian in Abu Dhabi has gone to get an early-morning White Americano (a racist-sounding drink if ever there was one). She waits for her order to be filled. To her left is a beautiful, young Emirati woman. To her right, at the drink station, a tall, handsome Emirati man. She notices that the woman is wearing a beautiful abaya, with gorgeous, ribbon-type appliques. Sensing a rare opportunity to satisfy her ongoing quest to connect with locals, she goes for it.

A Canadian in Abu Dhabi: I love your abaya, it's gorgeous.

Beautiful Emirati woman: Thank you.

The man, having received his drink, walks past A Canadian in Abu Dhabi. He stops for what feels like micro-seconds, mumbles something she cannot hear to the beautiful Emirati woman, and swiftly leaves the Starbucks. A Canadian in Abu Dhabi is overcome with curiosity and, having previously and gloriously established the scantest of connections, decides it must be satisfied.

A Canadian in Abu Dhabi (hesitantly): Do you know him?

Beautiful Emirati woman, smiling: No.

A Canadian in Abu Dhabi: What did he say to you?

Beautiful Emirati woman, still smiling: He told me his phone number.

Awesome Art: Don't miss Camelops Femina, Olaf Breuning's upcoming show at Carbon 12 Gallery in Dubai

Normally I don't get this excited about art. I mean, I like it, I pay attention to what's going on because I am interested, and because contrary to what the moaners say, there is a lot going on. But not excited, really.

That was until I saw the press release for Olaf Breuning's upcoming solo show - his first in the Middle East - at Carbon 12. This is the guy who donned bunny ears on a visit to the Easter Islands and, well, you can see what's happening next month in Dubai for yourself: