Overheard in the newsroom: Movie star edition

One of the pleasures of Ramadan is seeing Steven Seagal films in the cinema. 

Overheard in the newsroom: The weekend can't come fast enough edition

I need to eavesdrop on your laughs as I'm short of my own.

Overheard in the newsroom: Zayn Malik, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups edition

Last night I dreamed I met Zayn Malik and we worked on a horse sanctuary together.

That's part of a social observation from 10 years ago when I had hair and dreams.

I've never eaten peanut butter, except in Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.

He's delusional. I don't think he's well.

Can you imagine how much fluff that would pick up?

He was body-shaming my cat. In his defense, he isn't a very good-looking cat.

Overheard in the newsroom: The something ridiculous edition

The charcoal guy? He better hope he doesn't see me again.

Sorry habibti, no can do.

Q: How was Beirut?
A; I didn't get out of the hotel.

Want lunch? We're having dirty Indian Chinese.

Who said something ridiculous this week? I remember us all going 'oh that's ridiculous'.

Everybody and everything wants to move to the UAE.

He's eating some humble pie. Some humble, falafel pie.

We had a fluffy white cat who's now a fluffy grey cat.

I'm going to go get a coffee. Green tea won't cut it.

I can't wait to get home to see my phone.

Overheard in the newsroom: Superhot Saturday edition

"I always wonder if there are any journalists left in Glasgow - they all seem to be here."

"I like the smell of paint and petrol - goes back to when I was a kid."

"Were you running around outside?"
"I wish - I just came from the car." 

Overhead in the newsroom: Wicked Wednesday edition

"Miss England is never pretty. Is she pretty this year?"

"I don't have to defend my inbox!"

"You know what would be awesome? If one of us had a coloring book."

Overheard in the newsroom: Super special Monday night edition

"I'm just saying, the lady would rather have a baby camel than a shwarma."

"They should have a monsoon rate."

"Do treadmills go a lot slower here?"

"I order it all the time, but it's not my favourite thing."

Overheard in the newsroom: Dress code violators edition

"You'll be deported back to Trampistan".

Overheard in the newsroom: Artistic animals edition

Reporter: "And who is painting?"
Editor: "Otters."

Overheard in the newsroom: Yanni & mutton edition

"I so wanted to write a Yanni review. 'It was Yanni'."

"I drove in New York City. Although it's much worse here."

"He went to the gym but he brought long socks instead of short socks & he had to wear them so he thought 'whatever, just commit'."

"What are you doing, planning your lunch for the next three weeks?"

"I had no idea you were supposed to turn your car off at the petrol station."

"I've got luxury fatigue, I think it's actually some sort of syndrome."

"No, it's a grown up sheep. It tastes a bit older."